Bouncing back from setbacks

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When was the last time you experienced a setback?

A woman reached out for my help cause she was struggling with getting over a bad breakup & was ready to finally be free & move forward.

Ummm, raise your hand if you've been there? (I wish I had more than two!)

We scheduled the call & I was really excited to help her. But 10 minutes after the start time of our session she was a no show.

I was thrown for a loop because she seemed so excited to get my help! What changed? Was it me? Did I turn her off in some way? I wracked my brain trying to figure out what happened. 

Truth is I will NEVER know why she stood me up.

People don't always follow through but what do you do when you can't just shake it off when it happens? What if you don't want to shake it off?

From Setback to Bounce Back

1. Feel Your Feelings

Have a 10 to 20 minute venting session with a trusted friend, someone who's fair & honest. Remember to let her know what you need before you start venting. Do you just need an ear? Let her know. If you're in a tender place emotionally & not ready for feedback that's ok but it's your responsibility to tell her that. Ask for what you need from someone you know who can deliver.

2. SHOW YOURSELF SOME Compassion

You're not weak or wrong. You are hurt & disappointed. But can you show the person who disappointed you some compassion?

For example, the guy who stood you up for a date, can you look at yourself & identify times you didn't keep your word? Have you ever hit ignore when a guy who was interested in you was calling? Did you tell him you would call him back knowing you weren't going to because it was easier than being honest?

Allow yourself the to fail without questioning or compromising your innate value. Of course, you’ll want to wallow but like I said in Step One, try to keep it contained so you don’t slide into a pit of self-loathing. You can acknowledge the pain & any responsibility you have without putting yourself down.

This isn't about blaming yourself but it's taking the opportunity to examine where you're out of integrity in your own life. The willingness to have compassion can ease the sting.

3. embrace the failure

It’s in the failure, the missed opportunity, that you get important feedback. Did you not prepare as much as you should’ve? Can you add or remove a part of your process? Were you in a rush or a crappy state of mind?

Maybe you don’t need to change a thing! This may simply not have been the right opportunity for you.

You know what else failure tells you? That you’re trying! You’re taking action. Each failed attempt lets you know that you’re trying to grow in some way.

4. SPOT THE Patterns

Setbacks are a part of life but if this is a familiar occurrence then I invite you to do the deeper work required to understand your thoughts & behaviors that are keeping you stuck in this painful pattern.

Analyze what responsibility you have in this situation & why what actions you made or didn’t make didn’t work. Then, create a plan to change your approach.

5. Get Specific

What do you want? How do you want your desire to show up in your life? The clearer you are the easier it becomes to behave in ways that are in alignment with what you say you want.

There’s no more powerful lesson than knowing that your setbacks will one day help you succeed.
— Reshma Saujani

Allow yourself to think of obstacles as bad at first but remember this question: What if this is actually here to push me outside of my comfort zone?